Pantsing and Stripping Forums

I wrote this for the Puericil archive, but I thought I'd try posting it here to see if I could get some more feedback. I'll start with the first two chapters. Let me know if you want me to continue.

An Ounce of Prevention

Introduction

First described by Dr. Sabrina Malone in her foundational ...

Chapter 2: Welcome to Sparkhaven

The car ride to Sparkhaven Ranch seemed to take forever. I sat in the back seat, feeling smaller than I ever felt before, my arms folded as I stared at my shoes and tried to ignore the countryside zooming past the side window. I don't know if I'd even been that ...

This is a cute concept. Loved the detail of him noticing all the historical inconsistencies. I like it when a really out-there concept has those moments that add a bit of believability.

I love how you escalate a little bit more each chapter! I'm not usually a fan of younger girls with older guys, but Suzie is a fun character. I love her confident innocence.

Are you planning to continue this?

Thanks guys!

To be honest, I intentionally leave the ages in my stories ambiguous so people can interpret according to their preferences. I find that not a lot of people are interested in the age range I'm most interested in, so I try to leave room for them to insert their own perspective and ...

Chapter 3 :

I stumbled along as Ms. Heather half-dragged me out of Auntie Sabrina’s room. I couldn’t keep up. I tried to yell at her to slow down, but all that came out was, “Mmrrrph! GRRF!”

As soon as she opened the door to the ranch grounds, a blast of warm air hit every inch of me. My stomach ...

Definitely a different direction than the other chapters! But I liked it. It was cute.

Chapter 4:

A wood-burned sign nailed onto a wooden archway announced our arrival at Moon Village, the designated campsite for us Petal Pickers. It consisted of a ring of yurts around a small central building, and it was surrounded by a ring of tall wooden stakes that formed a sort of fence. It ...

I'm not going to lie at this point this is just feeling like persecution for the sake of it, at least in my book. Feels like too much for relatively not-that-severe crimes.
Thanks for the honest feedback! Yeah, I can understand that. To me, the unfairness is part of what makes it hot. I thought ...

I like this. Leaving off with a real sense of tension with him hiding naked in the girl's room.