Eddie Asks For Feedback (And also BJ's if so inclined)

[F-250]

Just be clear I don't think your stories are bad or too short I have since I was 10 have been insanely fast and good on reading, I got 100% in my reading in primary exam test which I am apparently only was 8 out of the around 10.000 making it .

[mars357]

Firstly, this is a pretty hot story and I bashed that thanks button as soon as I read it!

Then—for a self-described old geezer, where's that patience of ripe old age, man? Most users of this forum won't be here daily. And certainly not looking for new stories daily. I partly come here most days because I'm one of the mods, just to check if help is needed with spam protection/approving posts. That's how I found this thread. Normally it wouldn't be until I have a particularly quiet evening when I actually spend enough time here to find a new story, routinely, I only check for updates / new chapters on things I'm already reading and enjoying. I'd give it a bit longer than 2 days before panicking that no one/almost no one likes it.

Lastly, I think a similar post has been raised before but for me, very personally: I love many of your stories, and your commonly used fetishes/kinks align with what I enjoy reading. True, some are more memorable/pleasurable to read than others (what was that Rocky Horror Picture Show one? That really stands out in my memory...) but overall, I'd say you write well, as well as write a lot!

With some of your stories, and this one especially and very strongly, I get an uneasy feeling reading them. Like I'm being very abruptly yanked onto a train that's been going at full speed for a while. It's a cool style and there are stories where you pulled that off and allowed the reader to catch up, but here, even though I definitely got into the story, and I think what's revealed (that Heather is serving voluntarily and no longer being punished) as well as the transition of her into her role as a pet and being more officially controlled by her siblings is hot and interesting. Even so, I felt sad and kinda cheated that we never got to hear about her first stripping, about the hard early days, the conflict, drama and struggle of that, and not at all from her perspective. There's no mention really of her blushing and struggling with embarrassment for the "classic" reasons any more. Her dilemmas and struggles are advanced, those of a self-aware, self-accepted submissive. That makes for a cool and interesting read, but might be where you're misaligned with some of your audience here, by going straight for full on, crass, shameless or borderline so. Shame, shyness, embarrassment are a huge turn-on element for a vast majority of ENF/CMNF readers. Skipping over it to subvert the cliche is a bold choice and when it works, it's great and unique. When it works less and/or becomes your complete default, that feeling that something's kinda missing begins to nag and build, even in someone who definitely enjoys a lot of what you have written, such as myself.

[Rawrr]

Lastly, I think a similar post has been raised before but for me, very personally: I love many of your stories, and your commonly used fetishes/kinks align with what I enjoy reading. True, some are more memorable/pleasurable to read than others (what was that Rocky Horror Picture Show one? That really stands out in my memory...) but overall, I'd say you write well, as well as write a lot!

With some of your stories, and this one especially and very strongly, I get an uneasy feeling reading them. Like I'm being very abruptly yanked onto a train that's been going at full speed for a while. It's a cool style and there are stories where you pulled that off and allowed the reader to catch up, but here, even though I definitely got into the story, and I think what's revealed (that Heather is serving voluntarily and no longer being punished) as well as the transition of her into her role as a pet and being more officially controlled by her siblings is hot and interesting. Even so, I felt sad and kinda cheated that we never got to hear about her first stripping, about the hard early days, the conflict, drama and struggle of that, and not at all from her perspective. There's no mention really of her blushing and struggling with embarrassment for the "classic" reasons any more. Her dilemmas and struggles are advanced, those of a self-aware, self-accepted submissive. That makes for a cool and interesting read, but might be where you're misaligned with some of your audience here, by going straight for full on, crass, shameless or borderline so. Shame, shyness, embarrassment are a huge turn-on element for a vast majority of ENF/CMNF readers. Skipping over it to subvert the cliche is a bold choice and when it works, it's great and unique. When it works less and/or becomes your complete default, that feeling that something's kinda missing begins to nag and build, even in someone who definitely enjoys a lot of what you have written, such as myself.

Yes, as I mentioned in my post: this is kind of the heart of it. There needs to be more buildup.

Lastly, to your response Eddie, I didn’t say the stories were too short, it was the other way around, I think the stories could benefit from being more brief & succinct and it might increase the quality of what you’re writing.

[EddieDavidson]

no longer relevant, story died with the troll.

[Rawrr]

I don't. I was actually going to fully rewrite Saturday to be her normal day.

what do you mean?

Who are you replying to?

[EddieDavidson]

I guess the post is deleted. In this case, the context is provided as the day unfolds and if I told you why/everything it would ruin the surprise, goal.

She does blush though and quite a bit. Total rewrite posted last night. thanks for the positive vibes/constructive feedback. Authors need it like plants do water.

https://storiesonline.net/s/26845/keepi ... er-in-line

Keeping the babysitter in line is here. I liked this one a lot because the main character is my alter ego as a pipsqueak and the RHPS scene is ripped out of my nostalgia. The original version of this family that it's based on is actually several people . The Lori is one most of us know. Peaked in high school, hot blonde, not sure what to do with all those tits.

I used to date this girl and I remember her sister walked out butt ass naked. My girlfriend said "don't look, she is just triyng to get attention"

She had droopy titties, and at the time I wasn't into those but now i love them. She went and sat on her dad's lap. Her mom was there, didn't see it as a problem. I didn't know what to think (fish out of water) but that was their normal on a Saturday. Sis walking around butt ass naked sitting on Dad's lap.

Years later, i figured they were probably into incest but at the time I didn't even know what that was. So this family is sort of a much cooler/far more interesting family like that.

In many ways, Heather's family is as well. In the rewrite, I intentionally hold back sexuality.

Some of my stories, I begin at the most interesting point in their lives and then work a little backwards.

However, I had a nudist colony one (very few responses on) that I thought was good that i'll go back too. It's hard to do embarrassed nude female there if they are already naked but I'll damn sure try in context.

****SPOILER ALERT***

IF you read past this line, you may get a spoiler and if you read the original version you already did

Heather paid back her debt a long time ago. She just kept on following the rules because she secretly got off on it, and the father realizes her pussy dripping problem is partly tied to the fact that she enjoys this and would like it a whole lot more as the family pet.

[EddieDavidson]

no longer relevant, story died with the troll.

[EddieDavidson]

I Assure you, it did. "Rawrr".

Is that your tiger growl or your troll roar? neat. You copied a line from another troll. You don't write stories, give shitty advice and plagiarize your "Just b L33t liek me, and git gud" advice that got ignored. So you needed a little attention from Eddie, okay? Here is all you get, savor it;

I understand you have not seen a naked girl before in person, but I've actually lived with actual nudist families, and been to nudist resorts where people raise their kids and grandkids!

So yep.

I don't care to argue and I seriously do not want to be trolled about it. So perhaps you could delete or rephrase? because it comes off like a little snot nose creep that hasn't seen a naked girl before in person.

"In her own home? OMG! Dude, that never happened"!

Swear it did, you jealous?

I saw my girlfriend naked as well. I've been skinny dipping with my cousins. I've played "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours", truth or dare, spin the bottle, closet kissy games, even rode down the peace river naked with actual girls on a JROTC trip. In the 1980s things were very different than now, but tits were all around me growing up.

I even dated quite a few strippers and I assure you, I saw them naked at their homes as well around family, don't worry! one day you may see a titty in person as well and of all the things that never happened, my dude - a girl showing you her titty without you creeping/peeking hasn't.

If you are going to troll someone at least be original. "Hurr, I got him! I used a line I heard someone cool say once...Eddie will respect me now.."

nope. Is that what you wanted? to prove how cool and dominant you are? I am not here to entertain people like you. If anything you are exactly the kind of person that I do not want to interact with on any level.

You can't even write an original troll post. Sad. I am done with the thread, so rant if you want. I had specifically asked not to be trolled when I asked for constructive feedback. Everyone else was able to do that. What is broken inside about you that makes you incapable of that?

I wasn't going to take your advice, but I appreciated the effort, kid. "Hurr, write shorter stories because I don't have the attention span" of all the things that is really never gonna happen? Is that I'll be writing for your entertainment and keeping them short.

How adults handle constructive feedback is they listen, and consider and everyone else on this thread managed to be supportive and considerate. Then you werent getting any attention, so you gotta be l33tboi the troll. Well, you proud?

Do not respond to me on any threads again. In future, When I ask for feedback, it is not yours I want. Those were rhetorical questions. Yes, you are jealous because you do not write stories.Until you do, maybe don't give any fucking advice on it?

and no, you have no right to be proud of anything.

[Underdoggy]

Hi

I've been a long time reader /lurker of this board, and I’ve read a number of your stories you've posted here so here's my opinion in regards to your writing. I’ve opened many of your stories posted here and started reading as they usually have an interesting premise or theme which draws me in. However after reading through the first chapter or sometimes only partway through, I start to lose interest. And the problem I think is that, as quite a few others have mentioned, your stories seem to lack a buildup. And in particular, one common theme amongst your stories is that they seem to lack the most important "E" factor in "ENF". There appears to be limited to no embarrassment felt by the protagonist in many of your stories, which is what I or many other readers likely want to read about. Either that, or the protagonist (sometimes secretly) enjoys their forced nudity predicament, so there are no feelings of shame or embarrassment in much of the story. Having the embarrassment and feelings of such being described in the stories adds a lot to the build up in the story and would keep me interested in reading beyond the initial setup. So essentially, many of your stories are just "NF" stories where despite being very long, not a lot happens plot wise. I'll get to that soon.

I remember in English class about writing a compelling narrative. There needs to be an exposition, a plot/development, a climax and a resolution for a successful narrative. Many of your stories seem to start somewhere beyond the climax and where there would be a resolution, and there isn't a well defined plot that keeps the reader hooked. The first chapter, as in the case of this story, begins with the protagonist already in the being kept nude stage, and doesn't feel much embarrassment or shame about being so. As you have put it, she is at the acceptance stage and has more or less has accepted her fate and she actually enjoys serving the punishments she has been given.

“ Heather had to go through the five stages of grief to get to where she was now mentally. Denial, Anger, and Bargaining seemed to happen at once.”

I don't know if you were planning to write in later chapters with flashbacks about the gradual process of how she ended up at the nude servant stage where the story begins, so the most interesting part of the story I really would want to read about is already missing. I'm not sure how much further the story can escalate as she's already at the nude stage and has been completing other nude humiliations. She already does not feel shame, humiliation or embarrassment when made to complete humiliating tasks nor when the other characters make fun of her predicament, so there doesn't seem like there's going to be a nice build-up to a good climax and ending.

The third point is, in many of your stories, there is an excessive amount of dialogue, which is fine if it adds to the plot beyond just making long. But the dialogue is mostly banter and light teasing between your characters. There's nothing wrong with this, but the characters all just seem to enjoy it and having fun at each others expense without any feelings of embarrassment or humiliation or similar feelings of the nude characters. Hence it feels superficial and adds little to the plot. Also the dialogue is so times a bit repetitive, especially since there is so much of it in each story. Having too much dialogue also makes it a bit tedious, as though the story is all just talk, and it feels like nothing really "happens", so no real deep plot development or the story is really slow to get anywhere.

One of your stories i particularly enjoyed, which was posted a long time ago was "Itty bitty titty committee", which I think was one of the first you posted on here. In that particular story, there was a more meaningful plot where events happened, for example punishments of the girls were being increased slowly, and it gradually involved the other sister and eventually the mother being punished and kept nude as well. The stories also had elements of embarrassment in it, such as when the girls were forced to serve and wait for breakfast nude outside with other minor characters watching on, as well as the embarrassment felt in scene when they had to go to the pool nude, pretending that the dildo put between their lips was legitimate and their only swimwear in a pool full of acceptably clothed swimmers. There was a lot of dialogue in that story too, but the plot development and mc feeling embarrassed enough throughout kept that story interesting for me and some of it still sticks in my mind.

I hope some of these suggestions help, as some escalation after the initial setup will help to build tension and plot, making for more interesting and enjoyable stories to read. Hopefully, if you can incorporate more feelings of "E" in ENF, you can keep readers like myself hooked onto the story beyond the initial interesting premise, which won't sustain itself if not much happens or is too slow to happen.

[EddieDavidson]

Feedback appreciated. I am not sure how to make the women any more embarrassed.

Even women who are okay with being nude, can be embarrassed in context.

Most people do not take the time to write to me. Yours is the most feedback I may have ever received.

Story too short, too long, it's like dicks.
You can't please them all with that.
Don't write dialogue but build up, etc. I can't adopt the style and voice of another author and literally stop telling stories the way I would tell a story if I were talking to you.

It's not possible. You may as well say to someone from Alabama "Your accent is dumb. Talk British." as to tell me to stop using dialogue to show the reader the action and emotion through tone and non verbal queues.

too much dialogue, I'll tell you my thoughts on abandoning the only tool I use to show instead of tell below.


While it is true I often start with things already in progress - that is because your second point of greek tennis with too much dialogue.

How do you build up to action, if you aren't allowed to use dialogue?
viewtopic.php?p=51023#p51023

Here is Itty Bitty Titty and Red Bottom Club - no nudity, no sex, no nothing. it starts at the ABSOLUTE start before anything has changed for Katie.


Admittedly, one of the mods themselves responded to encourage me, but no one else did. I just got bored of waiting for anything to happen in the story and wanted to jump to when it did. Writing about her day, and even her bath felt dull. It is needed for a story like that, but i put it away for another day.

Many people do want you to start at the very, very beginning before it all goes down. However, I sometimes enjoy starting with a family that happens to be nudists for example without going back twenty years to when they decided to do it. In this case, this particular narrative relied upon this being routine for the family.

I can assure you it's not that I start in the middle every time. I had another story right before this "Summer Vacation" that starts at the absolute start. Silence. I deleted it since there were no responses after 1100 reads. It was nice and slow. A bimbo Aunt that dotes on her nephew, a tomboy that he's going to be sharing a room with, a Jenna Ortega cousin-type, and a sexy grandma that sees her husband in his face.

The only where to go was up with that story. I could have gone in all four directions or several. No responses, no feedback, nothing. Written in third person. Not one person thought to click thank me, or comment. I'd have loved to done it a little collaboratively. My intention was to have him spend a nice summer in a very small cabana with a lot of sweaty women in bikinis, and a tom boy who doesn't keep her shirt on but can still be embarrassed, especially of his boner and her stiff nipples. "Jeez...their pokey, stop staring at them, wil ya...I am as flat as a pancake, nobody knows I am a girl."

"Yeah, they do, Ash. They are just polite enough not to say anything when you skateboard shirtless."

(pesky dialogue)

Then before that a 1950s Domestic Bliss/Milford wives sort of slow build about a woman waking up at the start of her day. I didn't write about her marriage, and college years. I picked that day because I wanted a slice of life in domestic 1950s for her. Her twin sister was visiting.

She was going to go through how she was largely humiliated all day long, doing work while the guys have fun and her twin clucked like a chicken as she covered her laughs that her sister had all these obligations, while she was a "modern" woman that was able to sit at the table while her sister served. Then I was going to have her sister wake up in bed with the woman's husband. He's convinced she's his wife.

The real wife (the domesticated one) is walking out the door with her sister's husband "Thanks for the visit, bye!"

But I never got far. Zero replies. Admittedly, it's in the over the top "Peach Valley" but to make it impactful that the main character knocks her sister out with sleeping pills when she realizes she doesn't have to be a sex toy to her husband and get spanked regularly to keep her in line, I leaned into the W.H. Sheldon Disciplinary Academy's guide for good wives.

Then before that. A 1950s short story, about a camera crew that shows up at somebody's house for a documentary. No feedback. Started at the start. It was admittedly over the top but I made all these pictures of a big-titty 1950s girl doing jumping jacks and I wanted to write a story around it.

Then before that, "Red Bottom Club" , a girl works at a diaper store and her boss chides her. Her friend admits a secret - she gets spanked at home for shopping but she says it helps her overcome her urge. She goes home and her mom has a walk down memory lane about her as a younger girl and wants to give her a bath like the old days.

The family finds out she agreed to be bathed and has a good laugh. No nudity happens, how can it get slower? got a guess for how many responses? It's less than one. I was going to have her and her friend be the charter members of the "red bottom club" and it couldn't have started slower or any earlier. So it's neither of those things why there is no reader engagement.

So it's not starting with her waking up literally at the start of her day that is the problem. It's just that i probably overstayed here. I thrive on interaction and working with other creative people to collaborate. That doesn't really happen. It's just do less dialogue, write shorter stories, write longer ones, make them have more enery, make them slower.

I can't please everyone, so I try to write a story I would have enjoyed reading. If I don't do that - then I won't be into it. i am not a machine or a writer for pay. I write for pleasure. To me, there must be rich dialogue with texture.

Think about this;

"Hey, where are the scissors?"

She continued knitting.

"I said where ARE THE SCISSORS?"

Ethel calmly placed her knitting on the dresser and sighed. "They are right where I always keep them, Henry."

Can you picture them? Did you see Cats-eye glasses on Ethel's face and her in a beige sweater? Because that's how I wrote her. I am not the best writer but I could have also done;

He was annoyed because he couldn't find the scissors and asked his wife where they were. She got annoyed and told him they were where she always keeps them.

That's the norm here. That's called "Tell". The readers digest version. I try hard NOT to do that. I enjoy the details. I enjoy "SHOW". I do that with dialogue but within that dialogue I use book-saidisms to include actions. I do that with tone of voice, emotional reaction, facial expression and non-verbal.

The dialogue is how I tell the story. I am not trying to argue, just explain why I can't take your advice, and I can't accept that dialogue in my story, or not "Starting at the start" is enough to warrant no one ever responding to me. I've seen people gush over what was obvious Em-dash inspired AI slop before, so I am pretty sure it's a combination of things.

You don't like dialogue and you wanted this one to start earlier. So, yes - I would never have interested you long enough to read it. That's the chance I took by wanting to write the part I want to write and not slog through a poor copy of a story I've read a thousand times to set it up to get to it.

I've been told before that isn't good, but I won't ever change that, unfortunately. I still appreciate you telling me what you think the problem is. I do not think those are it, but it's certainly why you do not enjoy my stories.

I've got about 50 half-written ones that I stopped because nobody else replied, etc. It could be that I am a terrible writer, and I rush and I write too much dialogue and it could be that there just isn't a lot engagement from this group combined, but I know I am not as bad as y'all make me out to be.

Here is how I know that. I've seen four or five paragraphs that look like the ai prompt was "Write with as much purple prose and AI slop as possible, put an em-dash unnecessarily whenever possible." and seen words of positive encouragement on here.

For this one, which I am tentatively calling "Of all the stories nobody ever wrote, this one was the least written." or something like that in honor for the inspiration that made me stop writing it. "It's the internet, you have to just let trolls piss all over the place to establish who is the boss/dominant."

That's not me, either. I don't go where I am not wanted/welcome. So, rather than write it, I'll give up and write something else or write it elsewhere. It's a pity too because while you all want to see Heather's downfall. You've read that story.

There are a 1,000 versions of Heathers story on the Internet. That story has been told. "You wrecked my car, now pay off the debt".

I did not feel like writing that part. I wanted to write this part as the beginning of a new chapter in her life. I'd lose interest in Heather's story long before I got to the part i wanted to actually write about it if I have to write a hacky version of the same origin story.

Every fucking Spiderman movie has to tell the story of Peter Parker's Uncle getting mugged. It's boring as shit. I've seen it many times and seen it done better. So what I was trying to do was skip the part that was the set up. Most writers blow their wad on setup. I could refer back to that time quite easily (Which I did).

And it's really a question. Do you want dialogue? no.
Then you can't have slow build. Sorry.

There isn't much to tell you.
She got up, she took a shit, she made breakfast, all in silence without any thoughts.

There is nothing else that can/could have happened. I could have spread that out to six sentences at most without her internal monology and dialogue.

I just wanted a birds eye view into the family's day, and then I was going to have the follow up day be the payoff. So "How it began" WAS the first chapter. That WAS her routine for three years.

Washing, cooking, putting up with butt slaps, and teasing, and the family reviewing her behavior while she has to sit up and they get to slouch. Despite what you may think, she isn't apathetic and I thought I did a good job of literally TELLING the reader and SHOWING the reader he blushing and the feelings she has as she has to do her waddle in front of a room of clothed people.

The E + N of the ENF trilogy.

Just because she consents, didn't mean she wasn't reluctant. She was hardly eager. I don't really write non-consensual, so that's the best I am ever going to do in most stories.

Then on Sunday, the mom was going to be fucking her husband and they both learn that they've always wanted to push her a little further.
The mom walks out in her robe, and her daughter says "Yes, Ma'am," at some point.

This leads to her saying "You know you don't actually have to call me Ma'am, right? I've never really liked it. It makes me feel old."

"But you said..." Heather would have protested.

Her mother explains that she paid off her debt a long time ago. "Ah-Hah!" the reader exclaims on the other side of the page. "That's the twist!!"

Heather knows very well she could stop. The subtext is she is a humiliation junkie and does not want to admit that because it would be too embarrassing. She needs to feel like she has a debt to pay and she is forced into this, so she can keep being the Heather she is now. Bright and eager chipmunk.

"We told you on your birthday two years ago that you paid your debt and we were proud of how you put up with everybody's shit and you didn't have to keep doing it anymore."

"Yeah, but....no one gave me back my old room or my old clothes..."

"Well, you never asked...and when you walked out naked and made breakfast the next day, we just rolled with it. Over time, someone didn't like the food you made, and so we let the boys pick your diet. Someone started calling you fat butt because for a little while you were getting chubby and so they started making you do exercise and now you are hot, So, you've effectively become the family slave, I suppose. Is that what you want to continue to do?"

Faced with a choice, she sighs and thinks about how scary it would be to return to her own life after all that humiliation. She is secretly loving this, and that's something Bob has known all along. Every time he gives her new rules he stops short of pushing too far. However, the "pussy whip" rule pushed Heather over the edge. She was going to beg to masturbate in tears after it was over. Bob knows why. Lisa just thinks her daughter is a wicked little slut that is way too horny, because Lisa is too.

The Mom goes back and tells Bob and he says he always knew that. That was the reason for the first day. To show all these signs that she gets off humiliation.

Humiliation kink to me is very satisfying when it feels like you have to do something embarrassing, but you can't stop your arousal and it becomes fairly obvious you secretly like it. That way the family doesn't feel like assshole jailors who are meanies. Can you imagine how abusive it would be if it was? On some level, everyone except her little sister and her twin probably knows she enjoys it. I dropped little hints about saving Mark's note and finding it endearing but to his face looking contrite.

So Bob walks out with a plan, he makes it up on the spot. "Your sister paid off her debt a long time ago, and it's time for her start dating..."

Stunned silence from the family. For three years, this was their new normal. Would Heather seek revenge for teasing her? That WAS the story I wanted to write. The sudden realization that their "normal" was over. How it got that way is the old trope of how it always gets this way. Even that was explained through numerous stories and inner thoughts peppered into the story.

I don't know what to tell you there. You didn't like it. That's okay. It won't get written anyway.

"But, obviously she can't just do that because she's become the family pet. She's way too horny all the time. So, we trained her on cooking and cleaning and you are older now. We have to train your sister to be less horny all the time. Your mom and I will pick dates for her and she'll wear her chastity belt on them until we feel enough time has passed and we can find her a new owner."

He doesn't know if his daughter will see this as a gift, but the choice is taken from her to stop or not. (it is a gift)

Questions shoot up.

"Can I help pick the guys she dates?"

"What do you mean owner? I am not going to have a boyfriend."

"Heather, you thrive as a pet. I think we all agree, that you need some rules, so the man I have in mind for you will treat you more like a pet, okay next question?"

The next day would be fun and exciting as they pile on the humiliation, with perhaps a finale where the dad says her wet pussy is the proof this is what she needed.

A possibility would be for a sequel "You know...it may help Kelly....and once we marry Heather off we do need a replacement, dear. I don't want to go back to washing dishes and cooking.."

That is why I did what I did.



That was the story. It's dead now, I lost interest in it after getting trolled on the thread I finally broke down and asked for feedback after hearing nothing.

But thank you for taking my request seriously and offering constructive feedback. I'll give it some thought.I probably won't ever get rid of the dialogue though. That's my favorite part, sorry.

It's part of how I show, without telling. The tool I have to tell is what you are used too.

They went outside.

vs.

"Hey, come outside, the weather is great!" is how I do it.

And I'll continue that. I don't think anyone has ever written that much to me about writing before, so thanks.

There are some things that I just haven't done. I have an outdated yahoo email that I don't want to change to something better. It's laziness probably but I just don't want to start using it.

I need to google other forums and find a new home for my stories. I recently started enjoying AO3 but I am not sure it's very collaborative.

What I thrive on isn't gold stars and pats on the back. Those are nice, but they can feel empty.

I enjoy specific examples where I may have done a better job of showing instead of telling but "Don't write so much dialogue, just chop it up into readers digest so we get the jist", no. I just wouldn't write.

I am more of a collaborative on the plot. Other than "Go back to three years ago, when everything first began and tell us that it all began...."

I wove it into the narrative and skipped to the good part. I literally have a dozen call backs to before Charlie, and such. That was intended to fill in the blanks and establish that people really do say "How did we start doing this?" or "Remember when she used to be able to..." etc. "Yeah, but she couldn't stop playing with herself around the house so we had to..."

You don't like it, that's fine. I am okay with it and I respect that. I wont take every idea someone gives me. What I do enjoy would be "How about when the family reviews her performance this week...this happens.."

I am not sure what I'll do, but I need to probably find a collaborative author group for erotic fiction. SOL has one but they are very insular/coffee klatch. It's not "Trolling" so much as you have the classic array of flame warriors.

https://www.flamewarriorsguide.com/

They remind me of my old Fido_Net BBS days. Ever one of those personas is there, and they generally talk about anything BUT writing.

Here, if you share a personal anecdote as I did earlier. "Dude that never happened" or if I express an unsolicited opinion on a thread about something someone will feel compelled to say its an invalid opinion. I said a skirt like this one girl was wearing in the 1970s film was rare to see and naturally someone said "No, it's not."

Okay, well it is for me and since they really don't even sell those dresses anymore, it's puzzling but not worth arguing. The only reason i wrote this much is hopefully it explains my position.

I was thinking more like story structure and direction, rather than to tell me to stop writing how I do and adopt the technique and voice of some other author.