An Ounce of Prevention (ch 5 11-09)

[Freesub]

I'm curious why the engagement this story was getting on early on fell off so suddenly. Honest feedback is appreciated.

Updates will be considerably slower from here since I'll be keeping pace with Forced Nudity Archive's update schedule.

I'm not going to lie at this point this is just feeling like persecution for the sake of it, at least in my book. Feels like too much for relatively not-that-severe crimes.

[little_kitetail]

I'm not going to lie at this point this is just feeling like persecution for the sake of it, at least in my book. Feels like too much for relatively not-that-severe crimes.

Thanks for the honest feedback! Yeah, I can understand that. To me, the unfairness is part of what makes it hot. I thought the mildness of the crimes would make it easier for the reader to imagine themselves being put in the program, and the dehumanization that comes with it is part of the humiliation.

I obviously don’t share Auntie Sabrina’s views by real-world logic. When I read an ENM story, I’m reading it with the attitude of wanting the ENM to happen, so I don’t worry too much about the justification. To me, it can be fun if it happens with weak or no justification.

I think we all have different "safety mechanisms" to allow us to enjoy stories with sadistic elements. For me it's about tone. I made sure that despite what the girls in the story say, their behavior towards the boys is playful and caring. But I get that some people want either a stronger sense of the victim deserving the humiliation or for the humiliation itself to be less intense.

But I'm also curious to know what kind of story you were expecting it to be based on the first two chapters. Is there anything I could have done to set those expectations better?

[docknumber]

Well I actually read your story in FNA, so I didn’t comment here after chapter 2. I liked the story but I didn’t see much embarrassment of Cody and also there are so many characters that I couldn’t keep track and have to read again.

Overall the plot is good.

[SeeEffenem]

Well I actually read your story in FNA, so I didn’t comment here after chapter 2. I liked the story but I didn’t see much embarrassment of Cody and also there are so many characters that I couldn’t keep track and have to read again.

Overall the plot is good.

I would agree yeah. I like many of your ideas and the premise. But I feel like the plot progresses so fast, and kind of just - lists things that happen without really letting the reader savor them. I still enjoy the story, it just leaves me wishing you slowed it down a bit

[little_kitetail]

Well I actually read your story in FNA, so I didn’t comment here after chapter 2. I liked the story but I didn’t see much embarrassment of Cody and also there are so many characters that I couldn’t keep track and have to read again.

Overall the plot is good.

I would agree yeah. I like many of your ideas and the premise. But I feel like the plot progresses so fast, and kind of just - lists things that happen without really letting the reader savor them. I still enjoy the story, it just leaves me wishing you slowed it down a bit

Oh, duh. FNA. Can't believe that didn't occur to me as an explanation.

You guys' critique about the embarrassing moments is completely fair. I think I presented a lot of potentially embarrassing scenes, but I certainly did kind of rush through them and fail to take the time to develop them. Might be too late to course correct at this point in the story without a rewrite, but it's something I'll definitely keep in mind for future work.

I really appreciate any and all feedback. I'll post the next chapter with the next FNA update.

[little_kitetail]

Chapter 5:

Location: Sparkhaven Ranch Infirmary

???: He looks really bad, but most of those cuts are fairly shallow. We think they were made with the home-made birching rod near where he was found. The biggest risk is infection. We'll monitor his temperature overnight and take him to the hospital if he develops a fever or if the inflammation hasn't gotten better by morning. Hate to think what would have happened if she had gone on even a moment longer though...
---
???: Alright, ma'am, here he is.

???: Cody? Cody is that you? Oh my gosh, are you ok? … What's going on? Can he see me?

???: Yes ma'am. Your video is coming through clearly.

???: But he's staring like he doesn't know who I am!

???: I doubt he knows who he is right now. We gave him some pretty strong hypnotics to help him through the pain. He should be back to normal by the time you get here on Saturday, though.

???: He'd better be!
---
???: You girls are very lucky. Hornets are not something you want to mess with. You seem fine, but I still need to keep you here 45 minutes for observation.

???: But there's someone already in here...

???: The Petal Picker? He won't bother you. He's barely conscious. I'll be right outside. If anyone starts to have trouble breathing, come get me IMMEDIATELY. And please try to be more careful in the future.

???: Ugh, this sucks. What are we supposed to do for 45 minutes?

???: Grinning I think I might have an idea… watch the door and give me a signal if you see the nurse coming back.
---
???: What I'd like to know is how she even found out about those images of her sister.

???: Well, Cody's file has been available in the admin office to anyone who wanted to look at it…

???: I recall I only agreed to that policy on the condition that all names be redacted.

???: They were, but it was a pretty unusual situation. Not hard to figure out who was being referred to by context.
---
???: Have you informed the boy's mother yet?

???: We did. We tried to let them talk, but the boy was in no condition, obviously.

???: This is a total mess…

???: We're going to have to send her home, aren't we?

???: Are you crazy? Sparkhaven Ranch's entire reputation is built on the fact that we put girls first. If we're seen choosing some little creep over Becca Green's sister, everyone's going to think we sold out!

???: How is that worse than them thinking we can't protect our guests from each other?

???: You know, we really should have seen this coming. If you think about it, it's more surprising that something like this HASN'T happened before.

???: Look, this is my responsibility. Both of them are in programs that are under my direction. I'll figure something out. Just leave it to me, ok?
---
???: Here he is. You can talk to him if you want. He probably won't be able to say anything back, though.

???: Um… no, I'm not making that mistake again. Can you just give him this note when he wakes up?

It's hard to describe the sensation of coming out of a hypnotic trance. It wasn't like waking up exactly, because I'd technically mostly been awake the entire time. It was more that I started to remember things. How to move my body. How to form words with my mouth. What I said five minutes ago. And, unfortunately, how to register how much pain I was in. It didn't all happen at once either. The nurse told me I was saying some weird things about being in love with Ms. Heather toward the end.

I was bruised and sore all over, especially on my backside which, I was told, she . There was a thick purple gash shaped like a ring wrapped around the base of my wiener. My torso was covered with red and black marker drawings. The nurse said she tried to wash them off of me, but they were in permanent marker and would take a little while to fade. So for now, I was stuck with the word "LOSER" on my chest, the words "SIZE: SMALL" with an arrow pointing downwards on my pubus, and "SPANK ME" on my bottom.

My memory of what happened came back slowly. How she had bent me over a log and hit me with a bundle of sticks over and over. How sure I was that I was going to die when I saw her tie that noose out of parachute cord..

There was also a letter sitting on the nightstand. I didn't see it until a few hours after I started to come to my senses. I asked the nurse to open it for me when she came to check on me. Here's what it said:
---
Dear Cody,

I wasn't sure if I should tell you this, but I really need you to know how sorry I am. I'm the reason why Melissa saw your file. I was reading some of the Petal Picker files from the office just for fun, and that's how the other girls found out you could do that. They made it a game, trying to find out who had the most pathetic story.

Auntie Amaya keeps telling me it wasn't my fault because the files were in the office for anyone to check out, and everyone should have known that because it was in the orientation packet we got when we checked in, but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who read the whole thing.

So… I don't know if it was my fault or not. Either way, I'm really, really sorry. I felt so scared and bad when I found out what happened. I don't know if you can forgive me, but if you do, I promise I won't let anyone hurt you again. I'll walk with you whenever you have to go to or from your campsite. I'm not very strong, but maybe I can at least distract them long enough for you to get away...

But I'll also understand if you just don't want to see me ever again. That's ok too. Just tell me and I won't bother you.

~Nyx
---
It was hard to describe how I felt reading the letter. Of course I wasn't angry with her for what Melissa did. But until Nyx brought it up in her note, I hadn't thought about how scary I would be the next time I had to walk down the lonely path where I had been attacked. My blood ran cold. More than I ever had been since arriving at Sparkhaven, I was aware of how vulnerable and helpless I was. I would definitely have to take Nyx up on her offer to walk with me.

And maybe, I thought, this experience was something I could use during my next session with Auntie Sabrina. How would I do it… I suppose I would say it made me think about how easy it was for Nyx to make me feel safer, and how that lead me to think about how I've been making the girls in my life feel. Yeah, she would eat that up, and the best part is it wasn't really a lie.

Elliot, Max, and Bobby came to visit me too. They were more rattled than I was. And angry too. Especially Max. Kept talking about how we need to "make them pay." It gave me a bad feeling at the pit of my stomach. I didn't want any trouble. Maybe Hailey was right and I was a wimp. To their credit, the boys seemed to pick up on my discomfort and changed the topic after awhile. The nurse told me I could go back to Moon Village with them if I felt well enough to leave. I agreed, mainly so I wouldn't have to walk back alone. I didn't have any way of getting back in touch with Nyx after all.

My body ached as I took the first few steps. Max and Elliot stood on either side of me to support me if I needed it, while Bobby went ahead to make sure the path was clear. Slowly and carefully, I took a few steps and then stopped to lean on Elliot. A few more and I stopped to lean on Max. Growing more and more confident, I started shuffling at a more steady pace towards Moon Village and home.

Interlude

Location: Auntie Sabrina's Office

Melissa: hyperventilating and sobbing I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorrrryyy!

Auntie Sabrina: Remember what we practiced in class, Melissa. Deep breaths. Visualize.

Melissa: I am calm… I am safe… I am present… I am calm… I am safe… I am present...

Melissa's breathing slowly returns to normal.

Auntie Sabrina: I wish I could tell you that you're not in trouble, but we can't ignore that this is a very serious situation. Let me start with the good news. First, Cody is going to be ok.

Melissa: Thank goodness for that…

Auntie Sabrina: nods solemnly Yes. The nurse said that he was seconds away from serious and permanent damage.

Auntie Sabrina: Second, I spoke to his mother. She told me she doesn't intend to press criminal charges against you. Says your family has been through enough. She trusts us to handle it ourselves. She is, however, understandably reconsidering her son's involvement in this program.

Melissa: puts her face in her hands I guess that's one upside to having the whole world witness the worst day of your life…

Auntie Sabrina: Finally, while I am obliged and have every intention to hold you responsible for your actions… I want you to know that I don't... that I understand.

Melissa: You do?

Auntie Sabrina: Heightened reactivity is not uncommon in trauma cases. Your body senses that you're not in a safe environment… it tries to give you what you need to fight your way out. We're used to shouting matches, broken property, even the occasional black eye from someone wakes up their yurtmate the wrong way… but this is a bit of a unique situation.

Melissa is silent.

Auntie Sabrina: *sighs* Maybe I'd better start by asking you to explain your side of it. Can you tell me what happened, in your own words?

Melissa: I… I wasn't going to… I didn't plan on hurting him. It wasn't even supposed to be about my sister at first.

Auntie Sabrina: What do you mean?

Melissa: There's a girl at my campsite, from the social skills program. Nyx. I've… I've been trying to look out for her. She's so innocent… She reminds me of Becca.

Auntie Sabrina: So you wanted to keep her safe.

Melissa: Yeah… and she's been talking a lot about the Petal Picker boy, Cody. I just don't think she knew what she was getting into. So I wanted to talk to him. Not to hurt him. I just wanted to scare him a little, you know? Like one of those sitcom dads. Tell him he better treat her right or else.

Auntie Sabrina: Sitcoms have a lot to answer for when it comes to gender roles. But didn't you feel anything when you found out that he had Becca's picture on his device?

Melissa: I was furious about it, but if I beat up everyone who disrespected Becca's memory… do you know there's a whole conspiracy group that claims the whole thing was fake? Do you know how many strangers have tried to convince me it was aliens or the Vatican or Mossad who took her?

Auntie Sabrina: Point taken. So what DID happen?

Melissa: I went to talk to him like I said. Told him who I was. He started to panic as soon as he heard my last name. He was terrified of me… I enjoyed it to be honest. But I still wasn't going to hurt him. I was just going to use it. The fear, I mean.

Auntie Sabrina: But something changed.

Melissa: He… said he missed her. Like he knew her. He was just trying out every possible excuse, but when he said something like, "I know she was a sweet girl… I was heartbroken when she wasn't found… I miss her too, you know!" something in me just snapped. In that moment I wanted to make him feel every bit of suffering I watched Becca go through in my darkest nightmares.

Auntie Sabrina: How did you even get the idea to do what you did?

Melissa: Sometimes it's all I can think about… hurting the people who hurt me and my family. Making them feel what they made us feel.

Auntie Sabrina: Why didn't you tell me you were carrying around so much anger? We could have worked on it together.

Melissa: I was ashamed! I've been putting on this poor innocent girl facade for the cameras for months, trying to stir up pity from whoever was out there that could help Becca. If they knew I had these dark and violent thoughts in my head… they'd say we deserved it. More than they already do.

Auntie Sabrina: But you did stop, right? The nurse said you cut him down yourself and called her over. What happened to make you do that?

Melissa: You're going to think I'm crazy…

Auntie Sabrina: smiles weakly Melissa, you tried to hang a boy from a tree by his genitals. I think we're a bit past that...

Melissa: Point taken. I thought I heard my sister's voice… she said, "What are you doing? This isn't you!" And then I took at look at myself and I saw how much he was crying and begging and scared and I knew it wasn't what she would have wanted.

Auntie Sabrina: sighs No one should ever have to go through what you've survived, Melissa. I've said that so many times to you girls, but I really do mean it. I hope you can appreciate how difficult it is for me to do what I have to do.

Melissa: I know… whatever you have to do… I'm ready to hear it.

Auntie Sabrina: It's what I'm constantly trying to make those boys understand. The social context matters. We live in a sexist world, but here in Sparkhaven, you are the one with power. And what you do doesn't just affect you. Or your victim. This has already become far bigger than the two of you.

The Petal Pickers are scared, Melissa. And it's fear that makes them what they are. Thinking that they're not safe unless they're in control is what makes Type Ps. Thinking that women are out to get them is what makes Type As. This could undo weeks of progress. I have to show them we will take a serious assault on one of them seriously.

Melissa: Are you going to kick me out?

Auntie Sabrina: There are a lot of people who think that would be the prudent thing to do. But I don't think I can. Those cameras you mentioned… they're watching us too. There are a lot of people out there hoping to see us fail, one way or another. Choosing Cody over you, or you over Cody… either one will bring the wrong kind of attention. And besides, after everything we've been through together, I don't think I could bring myself to throw you to the wolves.

I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do, and here's what I've decided. First, I don't want you to have any more contact with either Cody or Nyx. So I'm transferring you to the Mossy Hollow campground.

Melissa: That's fair. I can't imagine Nyx wants anything to do with me at this point anyway.

Auntie Sabrina: While there, you'll be living under the same restrictions as the Petal Pickers, with one exception. You will be allowed to wear clothes when leaving the campsite. But, you'll only be allowed to leave with explicit permission. For now, that will mean only our private sessions. You're suspended from all other activities. Some of the girls there are in the Honey Bees, they'll know how to take care of you. Someone else will be in charge of bringing you your meals from the cafeteria.

We're going to focus our sessions on this aggression issue of yours we just uncovered. If it turns out to be something we're not equipped to handle here, I'll have you transferred to an appropriate clinic. But it has to be the right one. I'd hate for you to end somewhere that would just pump you full of Prozac and Puericil-G and send you back to school.

[steam train]

I'm curious why the engagement this story was getting on early on fell off so suddenly. Honest feedback is appreciated.

Updates will be considerably slower from here since I'll be keeping pace with Forced Nudity Archive's update schedule.

I missed the later posts and have only just read them. Jumping between character stories can be a bit off putting for me as I read.

[little_kitetail]

I'm curious why the engagement this story was getting on early on fell off so suddenly. Honest feedback is appreciated.

Updates will be considerably slower from here since I'll be keeping pace with Forced Nudity Archive's update schedule.

I missed the later posts and have only just read them. Jumping between character stories can be a bit off putting for me as I read.

You mean the way it shifts point of view? I tried to do it in a predictable way at least. The main story stays with Cody, but each chapter ends with an interlude describing something he's not present for.

I can see how that would be offputting. Just wanted to round out the world a little bit.