Re: Mermaids don't need modesty
Posted: Sun Oct 05, 2025 8:43 pm
“Why does your father get to decide what you do everything including who you have sex with?” I was confused – why would anyone give up autonomy?
“Helen is a hot wife, I am a hot daughter,” she said proudly as I parted her ass cheeks and began to rub lotion into her butt. She ground her hips backward and offered herself to me.
“You have sex with whoever your father tells you to have sex with?”
“When Shane or my dad has friends over, we entertain them. Sometimes, Daddy invites some of my mom’s old military buddies over, and they can’t believe she is a submissive housewife, but no one ever seems surprised I am a naughty cum gobbler. You act like it’s bad that I get to have sex. Wouldn’t you like it if your dad told you to fuck some of his friends?”
My dad only had guy friends, so I didn’t answer her question. I knew where she was going with it, though. “Don’t you want to have a regular boyfriend of your own?” I asked.
She gave a little snort. “A regular boyfriend? Like a schoolgirl waiting for some white knight to ride in and tell her she’s special and carry me off into the sunset? No thanks. You remember what I told you about my friend Mary? I’d be bored with that, and hate it.”
“What if your dad told you that you had to settle down and pick one guy?” I countered, as I lotioned up her thighs.
“You were always a smart one, George. You got me there, I suppose, I’d have to do it, even if I hated it, but I am sure my father would have a good reason for that. A lot of things he makes me do aren’t pleasant or glamorous, but they are for my own good. If I had to French kiss a guy and trade lovey-dovey cards and smooches, that’s what I’d do.”
“Okay, but what would you do if your parents wouldn’t decide for you, and you could do anything you wanted.”
Nixie seemed equally flattered that I was so interested in her and confused that I was so interested in her. I’d never met a pretty girl that was so grounded, and it came off like she had low self-esteem.
She shifted a little, eyes still on the deck. “I’d probably go to glory holes and look for cocks to suck, fuck all the guys I could fuck at school, football team, basketball team, all the old men where I live, eat all their wives’ pussies, and eventually end up with a daddy type that I don’t trust as much as my own father to control my pussy because I know I need discipline, and would behave like a cum hound in a cock store.”
I kept rubbing lotion onto her body, thinking about what she said, wondering how much was true, and how much wasn’t.
“I trust my parents to decide what is best for all of me, including my pussy, asshole, tits, and mouth. You already know I am super horny, and I’d be pregnant with brats of my own by now if I were allowed to hump whoever I wanted. I trust my older brother to decide what is best for me when we are at school. He’s always looked out for me and Giggles, and he understands I am a dirty girl that shouldn’t be spoiled and put on a pedestal, so guys can kiss my fat, disgusting, dick clenching ass.”
I hadn’t noticed it until I looked down, but she was performing tail gunner exercises for my benefit. Her asshole seemed much larger than her mother's tattooed pink rim, and reminded me of a dirty onion ring.
“Will you ever have free will?” I was hesitant to slide my fingers off of her ass, but my uncle scolded me for taking my time, and I quickly dropped to my knees, but continued observing her butt twitches.
She gave a little squeeze with her tail gunner muscles and looked back over her shoulder at me. “This is my free will, George,” she said without blinking. “I’m the one who signed up to be a mermaid. Nobody forced me. I volunteered more than three years ago to be permanently adjusted. I make stupid, hasty decisions when left to my own devices. I like being told what to do.”
“Will you always be a hot daughter, or will you ever be allowed to make your own decisions?” I rubbed lotion quickly up and down her thighs and lower legs, and then started on her feet. I didn’t enjoy that part of the exercise.
“I really haven’t thought about my long-term plan. I might join the corps; the way my parents tell it, it sounds like a lot of fun and a lot of sex. I really don’t know, but I’d prefer they tell me what I should do, George. Are you ever going to lotion up my pussy? You are driving me crazy.”
I was playing around with the outside of her pussy lips, just between her thighs. I hadn’t dared put my fingers in Nixie’s pussy because I really thought that was too much.
“He’s supposed to make you horny, you dumb vixen, you are funny and more compliant when you are begging to cum,” Stormy walked up when she noticed her daughter complaining. “You get edged, you get teased, but you don’t get to finish. What purpose does a seamen’s pussy hole serve?”
My mouth dropped open when my aunt asked that question of her daughter. I had seen and heard a lot, but this was the most vulgar and crass question yet.
“Pissing, Edging, and for leading me around with?” my cousin sounded uncertain of her response.
“You’ve done four cruises on the Salty Tuna and you still don’t know?” Stormy chided her daughter for lacking confidence and acknowledged that it was the answer.
“What about queefing?” my little brother laughed, he was finishing up applying lotion to Cherry. My little sister looked absolutely mortified. Her nipples were bright red, and she seemed physically aroused and unable to contain herself.
“Queefing is for comic relief, it’s a sound our twats make when they get full of air, but it’s not one of its purposes,” my aunt said, taking him seriously. She lifted one leg, cocked it, and effortlessly, let go - blasting a trumpet like queef – which blew my brother's mind and sent him into hysterics.
I couldn’t believe my aunt had been such a good sport about it, and I was worried she’d just created a monster. My little brother loved all sorts of poop and fart humor, and the rude noise my aunt made had severely tickled his funny bone. He even imitated it with his lips, quivering them the way her lips had quivered when she let out a rippled blast of pussy air from her bald twat.
“What is a seaman’s disgusting asshole used for?” my aunt asked Nixie to recite back the answer.
“Pooping, spanking, and humiliating us,” Nixie said.
“Ehnt,” Stormy reached out and twisted Nixie’s nipples. “It’s birth control, you offer up that stinky ass to satisfy a man instead of getting pregnant. It’s purpose is to amuse your betters. You are a dumb bimbo, but you know that” she was clearly disappointed in Nixie.
“Farts!” Kevin held his stomach, laughing and pointing in the direction of my aunt, clearly expecting her to do the same thing, except this time actually fart.
My aunt seemed like she may have finally had enough humiliation and degradation. She paused and frowned at him, while he laughed and pointed out at her, making farting noises.
“Want to see something cool?” Shane interjected. He had finished with my older sister, and joined us.
“Obviously,” Kevin was thrilled by the offer from our cousin.
“Nixie and Stormy, Ass to ass, squash cheeks, legs apart, eyes straight ahead, pussies on parade,” Shane ordered the girls to re-arrange themselves effortlessly as if he had done this a trillion times before.
His mother obediently took her place, facing away from Nixie, and the two of them bumped ass, looking expectantly as if they knew what was coming next.
“On three, I want you to fart into each other’s asses, failure to load, means you’ll be nose deep in your target’s ass for a second barrage! One, secure your cheeks.”
My soft-spoken cousin demonstrated a surprising sense of humor, with a completely deadpan, stone-cold seriousness.
The girls looked nervous; both of them seemed to be preparing, sucking in air, and looking deeply embarrassed.
“Two brace for impact, fart in the hole, load them up, ladies, stink bombs on command – ass blast, Three, rip it and fire.”
I heard the sound of two disgusting lady farts, fripping out of their asses, along with a few giggles and tittering laughs. The two women stood there naked, back to back, and waited.
“Holy shit!” Kevin couldn’t believe what he had seen. He was absolutely astounded. “Greatest day ever!”
Nixie and her mother flashed half-smiles, seemingly glad they past the test at the expense of their dignity.
“Who hasn’t been coated in pig grease?” Tom had seen the entire spectacle and seemed unsurprised. My mother stood next to him, a deep shade of red, like she was caught red-handed in a crime.
Nixie raised her hand, “Cunt, tits, face,” she said. Everyone else had been lubed up.
“George, I said five minutes a side, not thirty. Are you uncomfortable touching my daughter?” Tom asked me quite seriously.
“No,” I lied. I was very bashful, but I didn’t want to say that I didn’t want to touch her.
“Then get your fingers in there, rub the lips and all around the clit, fat belly, poky tits, and neck. You had one job to do and that’s rub my horny daughter’s twat with pig grease. There is no free chicken on this boat, son. Let’s Charlie Mike.”
I managed to rub Nixie’s bald, wet pussy, with a straight face, proceeded to lotion up her tummy, and her tits, all the while my cock felt like it was going to spooge right on Nixie’s thigh. She would have enjoyed that. We didn’t keep talking because everyone else watched me finish the job quickly.
I was reminded to scrawl something with my finger on Nixie’s back. It was a difficult decision, because it seemed like Tom was serious about suntanning something onto their backs.
“Let’s start with Pearl.” Tom smacked my mom playfully on her big butt and told her to guess what he wrote.
“Will I get in trouble if I get it wrong?”
“I am not a cruel bastard, Pearl,” Tom smiled at her sweetly. There was a little sarcasm in his face, though. He was making her guess what humiliating word he intended the sun to write on her back today. “You’ll get five extra minutes of free-bee time if you guess it right, and no punishment if you get it wrong.”
My mom seemed somewhat disappointed, as if she expected more of a challenge, or she was simply confused by why this activity warranted a guessing game.
“It was a long word, but I have no idea Pearl admitted at last. Her voice had that warm, house-proud tone she used when reminding us to eat our vegetables or asking if we’d finished our homework, the kind of motherly cadence that didn’t belong on a bare deck with her ass in the air. It was impossible for me to guess my mother’s agenda for volunteering herself for this, but there was no mistaking the 50’s house wife tone of voice my mother frequently used. It almost seemed as if she was afraid to answer because she didn’t want to be right and hurt Tom’s feelings.
“Guess,” Tom insisted.
“Hot wife?” my mom seemed ashamed of herself, and proud at the same time.
“That’s a good one, no. I wrote Wookie,” Tom turned her around to show the rest of us the thick lettering he had carved out of the lotion to allow the word to burn into Pearl’s back.
“What does that mean?” I wasn’t shocked that Pearl was blissfully unaware of one of the most iconic Star Wars references. She smiled, even though she had lost.
“It’s Chewbacca, Grrrllllllrrrrllrrlrrl,” Kevin imitated the most well-known Wookie of all time, but our mom still didn’t get it.
“It’s because you have a hairy piss box. That disgusting patch of girl pubes is going to come off when you go below deck before you get caged,” Tom informed her and asked if Stormy told her to shave before setting off today.
It wasn’t lost on me that Tom mentioned putting my mother in a cage, and yet my mom didn’t seem surprised at all.
“Helen, I mean Stormy mentioned it, but I was frankly unsure if this was really going to happen. As you know, my daughters were on the fence about shipping out.”
“First, you don’t have daughters on this cruise. You have fellow seamen,” Tom seemed annoyed. “Secondly, what is the worst that would have happened if you had buzzed that bush? You’d have a hairless crotch? If you are serious about being a hot wife, then you don’t own that hairy pleasure box. You will pluck each hair out at dinner, one by one.”
My mom glanced at Dennis. This was a moment that I had been expecting. I assumed it was only a matter of time before Pearl had enough of this treatment and became Barb Bennett, PTA mom, and high school secretary again.
My older sister Jinx looked triumphant as she observed the same thing that I did. She didn’t just smirk; she held her chin high like she had been expecting things to boil over all along.
It was the kind of expression you give when a long-running bet finally pays out, and you can already taste the victory lap before anyone else knows there was even a race. I didn’t know why, but I could tell that Jinx wanted desperately to see what happened next, so she could begin gloating.
It made sense in a way. Jinx had been pushing the whole mermaid thing harder than anyone. Every time Pearl blushed or hesitated, Jinx looked like she was tallying it up on an invisible scorecard. Watching my mom agree to pluck herself bare at dinner, Jinx’s expression told me she had just cashed in her bet.
My mom drew herself up and said in that same PTA-meeting voice, “If that’s what’s required, then that’s what I’ll do.” It sounded like she was volunteering for bake sale duty, but the words meant something else entirely here.
Pearl looked at Dennis, hoping for guidance or perhaps sympathy.
“You aren’t a hot wife yet,” he told her flatly. “You’re a seaman, same as every other girl on this crew. All of you were supposed to have hairless cooters and pooters – nothing below the neck, that’s what you were told. I told you that before we set out. You wanted to coddle Jinx and Cherry instead of making them follow orders and being the bad guy. Now, you have Wookie on your back, and that’s to remind you that those thick, sweaty, pissy hairs were on your beaver. You expect me to go down on that?
My dad could be snippy, and a little bit selfish. I assumed my mother would respond by yelling at him and calling him an asshole for not defending her. That’s what she’d do at home.
Pearl’s face went red. She didn’t argue. “It’s going to hurt to pluck out one hair at a time, a lot!”
“It won’t kill you, and it will be a good reminder to keep that fat pussy sleek, shiny, and ready for battle,” Tom added.
“Do the girls have to do it as well?” Pearl was clearly talking about Jinx and Cherry, because the others were hairless. “Pluck, that is? You are right. I didn’t make them, but I don’t want to be the bad guy. I need you to be the one who makes us do it.”
That last line Pearl said really sank in. I overanalyzed it in my head and thought about it a lot. I am not sure if anyone else noticed my mother’s tone, but it sounded like she was imploring my father to step up and take over running the house. Dennis worked a lot, and he left the tactical day-to-day decisions to my mother. He rarely confronted Jinx, because she had a way of confronting him and bickering that made my father uncomfortable and back down rather than put up with her bitching.
“If you leave it to me, the three of you will be seamen when we get home, so be careful what you wish for, Pearl. I don’t like Barb that much, but I love her. I am not sure how I feel about Pearl right now, but I am going to enjoy watching you pluck your pussy hair like an out-of-tune banjo and wail around the kitchen. Are you sure you aren’t going to bitch if I take over?”
Pearl looked like she was thinking it over, perhaps even imagining how painful the experience she was going to have plucking herself would be.
“Exactly,” Dennis took Pearl’s hesitation for reluctance and refusal. He declared that this ship was the equivalent of a fantasy version of The Love Boat. “You can walk around out here in the ocean with your ass out, but if you want to be a hot wife, you’ll fuck, suck, and take it up the ass, like a big girl. There will be no days off from hot wifeling. You get hard rules, tough love, and discipline that sticks, and the girls do as well. I am not going to put up with any shit or attitudes when the three of you get your period and decide to bitch and moan. I’d have never let Tracy and Denise come on this boat with hairy beavers. I’d have picked names for them, too! I’d have picked a name for you!”
My mom’s reaction surprised me; Pearl swooned a little and asked him what name he would have chosen.
“It wouldn’t have been fucking Wookie or Chia pet, that’s for fuck sure. You are the only bitch dumb enough to show up on a slut cruise with a hairy pussy, and be shocked when you are expected to have a bald pussy even though your sister told you SEVERAL times what you needed to do to prepare. Did you do the exercises?”
My mom was disappointed that Dennis didn’t answer her question. “Yes, some of them, but a few required butt plugs, and others needed a partner.”
“I was working, Pearl. I couldn’t stay up all night fucking with you, and I won’t be able to when you are a hot wife. I have to pay the bills, while you fuck around at school, just working part-time as a secretary. I don’t get to sit on my ass all day and hand out candy while laughing with the principal. I should put you in a tank top and send you out to mow lawns and suck cocks for money!”
My mother looked shocked but didn’t say she wouldn’t.
My uncle appeared ready to put a stop to the domestic squabble, but Dennis announced that she would chicken out long before then.
“I don’t want to argue, especially in front of everyone else,” Pearl admitted, her lips quivering as she looked around apologetically. “I don’t want to keep doing things the way we have been doing them. I trust you to be in charge of the household, and I want to be a hot wife – I am sorry that I didn’t shave my pussy, and I am sorry I didn’t insist the girls do it as well.”
My dad was surprised; ordinarily, Pearl would bring up some past argument if she was losing the current one, and things would escalate.
I could tell that Jinx wanted to throw fuel on the fire, but I wasn’t entirely certain why. My dad seemed thrown off by Pearl’s capitulation, and it seemed like the argument was going to peter out on its own.
Naturally, that’s exactly when my older sister decided to throw some fuel on the fire.
Jinx planted her fists on her hips, bare tits jiggling as she leaned forward, and snapped, “You talk about our pussies like they are furniture and we aren’t even the room. You discuss my ass like you know what to do with it better than I do, and like it belongs to you. I only agreed to this stupid cruise because I knew Pearl wouldn’t follow through. She never does. And if she quits, I win. That was the bet.”
I knew it! I knew there was some ulterior motive behind why my older sister complied without a big argument. Cherry sought approval, and she was my mom’s shadow. I wasn’t entirely surprised she agreed when Pearl did, but Jinx was too loud and obnoxious to just capitulate.
“Helen is a hot wife, I am a hot daughter,” she said proudly as I parted her ass cheeks and began to rub lotion into her butt. She ground her hips backward and offered herself to me.
“You have sex with whoever your father tells you to have sex with?”
“When Shane or my dad has friends over, we entertain them. Sometimes, Daddy invites some of my mom’s old military buddies over, and they can’t believe she is a submissive housewife, but no one ever seems surprised I am a naughty cum gobbler. You act like it’s bad that I get to have sex. Wouldn’t you like it if your dad told you to fuck some of his friends?”
My dad only had guy friends, so I didn’t answer her question. I knew where she was going with it, though. “Don’t you want to have a regular boyfriend of your own?” I asked.
She gave a little snort. “A regular boyfriend? Like a schoolgirl waiting for some white knight to ride in and tell her she’s special and carry me off into the sunset? No thanks. You remember what I told you about my friend Mary? I’d be bored with that, and hate it.”
“What if your dad told you that you had to settle down and pick one guy?” I countered, as I lotioned up her thighs.
“You were always a smart one, George. You got me there, I suppose, I’d have to do it, even if I hated it, but I am sure my father would have a good reason for that. A lot of things he makes me do aren’t pleasant or glamorous, but they are for my own good. If I had to French kiss a guy and trade lovey-dovey cards and smooches, that’s what I’d do.”
“Okay, but what would you do if your parents wouldn’t decide for you, and you could do anything you wanted.”
Nixie seemed equally flattered that I was so interested in her and confused that I was so interested in her. I’d never met a pretty girl that was so grounded, and it came off like she had low self-esteem.
She shifted a little, eyes still on the deck. “I’d probably go to glory holes and look for cocks to suck, fuck all the guys I could fuck at school, football team, basketball team, all the old men where I live, eat all their wives’ pussies, and eventually end up with a daddy type that I don’t trust as much as my own father to control my pussy because I know I need discipline, and would behave like a cum hound in a cock store.”
I kept rubbing lotion onto her body, thinking about what she said, wondering how much was true, and how much wasn’t.
“I trust my parents to decide what is best for all of me, including my pussy, asshole, tits, and mouth. You already know I am super horny, and I’d be pregnant with brats of my own by now if I were allowed to hump whoever I wanted. I trust my older brother to decide what is best for me when we are at school. He’s always looked out for me and Giggles, and he understands I am a dirty girl that shouldn’t be spoiled and put on a pedestal, so guys can kiss my fat, disgusting, dick clenching ass.”
I hadn’t noticed it until I looked down, but she was performing tail gunner exercises for my benefit. Her asshole seemed much larger than her mother's tattooed pink rim, and reminded me of a dirty onion ring.
“Will you ever have free will?” I was hesitant to slide my fingers off of her ass, but my uncle scolded me for taking my time, and I quickly dropped to my knees, but continued observing her butt twitches.
She gave a little squeeze with her tail gunner muscles and looked back over her shoulder at me. “This is my free will, George,” she said without blinking. “I’m the one who signed up to be a mermaid. Nobody forced me. I volunteered more than three years ago to be permanently adjusted. I make stupid, hasty decisions when left to my own devices. I like being told what to do.”
“Will you always be a hot daughter, or will you ever be allowed to make your own decisions?” I rubbed lotion quickly up and down her thighs and lower legs, and then started on her feet. I didn’t enjoy that part of the exercise.
“I really haven’t thought about my long-term plan. I might join the corps; the way my parents tell it, it sounds like a lot of fun and a lot of sex. I really don’t know, but I’d prefer they tell me what I should do, George. Are you ever going to lotion up my pussy? You are driving me crazy.”
I was playing around with the outside of her pussy lips, just between her thighs. I hadn’t dared put my fingers in Nixie’s pussy because I really thought that was too much.
“He’s supposed to make you horny, you dumb vixen, you are funny and more compliant when you are begging to cum,” Stormy walked up when she noticed her daughter complaining. “You get edged, you get teased, but you don’t get to finish. What purpose does a seamen’s pussy hole serve?”
My mouth dropped open when my aunt asked that question of her daughter. I had seen and heard a lot, but this was the most vulgar and crass question yet.
“Pissing, Edging, and for leading me around with?” my cousin sounded uncertain of her response.
“You’ve done four cruises on the Salty Tuna and you still don’t know?” Stormy chided her daughter for lacking confidence and acknowledged that it was the answer.
“What about queefing?” my little brother laughed, he was finishing up applying lotion to Cherry. My little sister looked absolutely mortified. Her nipples were bright red, and she seemed physically aroused and unable to contain herself.
“Queefing is for comic relief, it’s a sound our twats make when they get full of air, but it’s not one of its purposes,” my aunt said, taking him seriously. She lifted one leg, cocked it, and effortlessly, let go - blasting a trumpet like queef – which blew my brother's mind and sent him into hysterics.
I couldn’t believe my aunt had been such a good sport about it, and I was worried she’d just created a monster. My little brother loved all sorts of poop and fart humor, and the rude noise my aunt made had severely tickled his funny bone. He even imitated it with his lips, quivering them the way her lips had quivered when she let out a rippled blast of pussy air from her bald twat.
“What is a seaman’s disgusting asshole used for?” my aunt asked Nixie to recite back the answer.
“Pooping, spanking, and humiliating us,” Nixie said.
“Ehnt,” Stormy reached out and twisted Nixie’s nipples. “It’s birth control, you offer up that stinky ass to satisfy a man instead of getting pregnant. It’s purpose is to amuse your betters. You are a dumb bimbo, but you know that” she was clearly disappointed in Nixie.
“Farts!” Kevin held his stomach, laughing and pointing in the direction of my aunt, clearly expecting her to do the same thing, except this time actually fart.
My aunt seemed like she may have finally had enough humiliation and degradation. She paused and frowned at him, while he laughed and pointed out at her, making farting noises.
“Want to see something cool?” Shane interjected. He had finished with my older sister, and joined us.
“Obviously,” Kevin was thrilled by the offer from our cousin.
“Nixie and Stormy, Ass to ass, squash cheeks, legs apart, eyes straight ahead, pussies on parade,” Shane ordered the girls to re-arrange themselves effortlessly as if he had done this a trillion times before.
His mother obediently took her place, facing away from Nixie, and the two of them bumped ass, looking expectantly as if they knew what was coming next.
“On three, I want you to fart into each other’s asses, failure to load, means you’ll be nose deep in your target’s ass for a second barrage! One, secure your cheeks.”
My soft-spoken cousin demonstrated a surprising sense of humor, with a completely deadpan, stone-cold seriousness.
The girls looked nervous; both of them seemed to be preparing, sucking in air, and looking deeply embarrassed.
“Two brace for impact, fart in the hole, load them up, ladies, stink bombs on command – ass blast, Three, rip it and fire.”
I heard the sound of two disgusting lady farts, fripping out of their asses, along with a few giggles and tittering laughs. The two women stood there naked, back to back, and waited.
“Holy shit!” Kevin couldn’t believe what he had seen. He was absolutely astounded. “Greatest day ever!”
Nixie and her mother flashed half-smiles, seemingly glad they past the test at the expense of their dignity.
“Who hasn’t been coated in pig grease?” Tom had seen the entire spectacle and seemed unsurprised. My mother stood next to him, a deep shade of red, like she was caught red-handed in a crime.
Nixie raised her hand, “Cunt, tits, face,” she said. Everyone else had been lubed up.
“George, I said five minutes a side, not thirty. Are you uncomfortable touching my daughter?” Tom asked me quite seriously.
“No,” I lied. I was very bashful, but I didn’t want to say that I didn’t want to touch her.
“Then get your fingers in there, rub the lips and all around the clit, fat belly, poky tits, and neck. You had one job to do and that’s rub my horny daughter’s twat with pig grease. There is no free chicken on this boat, son. Let’s Charlie Mike.”
I managed to rub Nixie’s bald, wet pussy, with a straight face, proceeded to lotion up her tummy, and her tits, all the while my cock felt like it was going to spooge right on Nixie’s thigh. She would have enjoyed that. We didn’t keep talking because everyone else watched me finish the job quickly.
I was reminded to scrawl something with my finger on Nixie’s back. It was a difficult decision, because it seemed like Tom was serious about suntanning something onto their backs.
“Let’s start with Pearl.” Tom smacked my mom playfully on her big butt and told her to guess what he wrote.
“Will I get in trouble if I get it wrong?”
“I am not a cruel bastard, Pearl,” Tom smiled at her sweetly. There was a little sarcasm in his face, though. He was making her guess what humiliating word he intended the sun to write on her back today. “You’ll get five extra minutes of free-bee time if you guess it right, and no punishment if you get it wrong.”
My mom seemed somewhat disappointed, as if she expected more of a challenge, or she was simply confused by why this activity warranted a guessing game.
“It was a long word, but I have no idea Pearl admitted at last. Her voice had that warm, house-proud tone she used when reminding us to eat our vegetables or asking if we’d finished our homework, the kind of motherly cadence that didn’t belong on a bare deck with her ass in the air. It was impossible for me to guess my mother’s agenda for volunteering herself for this, but there was no mistaking the 50’s house wife tone of voice my mother frequently used. It almost seemed as if she was afraid to answer because she didn’t want to be right and hurt Tom’s feelings.
“Guess,” Tom insisted.
“Hot wife?” my mom seemed ashamed of herself, and proud at the same time.
“That’s a good one, no. I wrote Wookie,” Tom turned her around to show the rest of us the thick lettering he had carved out of the lotion to allow the word to burn into Pearl’s back.
“What does that mean?” I wasn’t shocked that Pearl was blissfully unaware of one of the most iconic Star Wars references. She smiled, even though she had lost.
“It’s Chewbacca, Grrrllllllrrrrllrrlrrl,” Kevin imitated the most well-known Wookie of all time, but our mom still didn’t get it.
“It’s because you have a hairy piss box. That disgusting patch of girl pubes is going to come off when you go below deck before you get caged,” Tom informed her and asked if Stormy told her to shave before setting off today.
It wasn’t lost on me that Tom mentioned putting my mother in a cage, and yet my mom didn’t seem surprised at all.
“Helen, I mean Stormy mentioned it, but I was frankly unsure if this was really going to happen. As you know, my daughters were on the fence about shipping out.”
“First, you don’t have daughters on this cruise. You have fellow seamen,” Tom seemed annoyed. “Secondly, what is the worst that would have happened if you had buzzed that bush? You’d have a hairless crotch? If you are serious about being a hot wife, then you don’t own that hairy pleasure box. You will pluck each hair out at dinner, one by one.”
My mom glanced at Dennis. This was a moment that I had been expecting. I assumed it was only a matter of time before Pearl had enough of this treatment and became Barb Bennett, PTA mom, and high school secretary again.
My older sister Jinx looked triumphant as she observed the same thing that I did. She didn’t just smirk; she held her chin high like she had been expecting things to boil over all along.
It was the kind of expression you give when a long-running bet finally pays out, and you can already taste the victory lap before anyone else knows there was even a race. I didn’t know why, but I could tell that Jinx wanted desperately to see what happened next, so she could begin gloating.
It made sense in a way. Jinx had been pushing the whole mermaid thing harder than anyone. Every time Pearl blushed or hesitated, Jinx looked like she was tallying it up on an invisible scorecard. Watching my mom agree to pluck herself bare at dinner, Jinx’s expression told me she had just cashed in her bet.
My mom drew herself up and said in that same PTA-meeting voice, “If that’s what’s required, then that’s what I’ll do.” It sounded like she was volunteering for bake sale duty, but the words meant something else entirely here.
Pearl looked at Dennis, hoping for guidance or perhaps sympathy.
“You aren’t a hot wife yet,” he told her flatly. “You’re a seaman, same as every other girl on this crew. All of you were supposed to have hairless cooters and pooters – nothing below the neck, that’s what you were told. I told you that before we set out. You wanted to coddle Jinx and Cherry instead of making them follow orders and being the bad guy. Now, you have Wookie on your back, and that’s to remind you that those thick, sweaty, pissy hairs were on your beaver. You expect me to go down on that?
My dad could be snippy, and a little bit selfish. I assumed my mother would respond by yelling at him and calling him an asshole for not defending her. That’s what she’d do at home.
Pearl’s face went red. She didn’t argue. “It’s going to hurt to pluck out one hair at a time, a lot!”
“It won’t kill you, and it will be a good reminder to keep that fat pussy sleek, shiny, and ready for battle,” Tom added.
“Do the girls have to do it as well?” Pearl was clearly talking about Jinx and Cherry, because the others were hairless. “Pluck, that is? You are right. I didn’t make them, but I don’t want to be the bad guy. I need you to be the one who makes us do it.”
That last line Pearl said really sank in. I overanalyzed it in my head and thought about it a lot. I am not sure if anyone else noticed my mother’s tone, but it sounded like she was imploring my father to step up and take over running the house. Dennis worked a lot, and he left the tactical day-to-day decisions to my mother. He rarely confronted Jinx, because she had a way of confronting him and bickering that made my father uncomfortable and back down rather than put up with her bitching.
“If you leave it to me, the three of you will be seamen when we get home, so be careful what you wish for, Pearl. I don’t like Barb that much, but I love her. I am not sure how I feel about Pearl right now, but I am going to enjoy watching you pluck your pussy hair like an out-of-tune banjo and wail around the kitchen. Are you sure you aren’t going to bitch if I take over?”
Pearl looked like she was thinking it over, perhaps even imagining how painful the experience she was going to have plucking herself would be.
“Exactly,” Dennis took Pearl’s hesitation for reluctance and refusal. He declared that this ship was the equivalent of a fantasy version of The Love Boat. “You can walk around out here in the ocean with your ass out, but if you want to be a hot wife, you’ll fuck, suck, and take it up the ass, like a big girl. There will be no days off from hot wifeling. You get hard rules, tough love, and discipline that sticks, and the girls do as well. I am not going to put up with any shit or attitudes when the three of you get your period and decide to bitch and moan. I’d have never let Tracy and Denise come on this boat with hairy beavers. I’d have picked names for them, too! I’d have picked a name for you!”
My mom’s reaction surprised me; Pearl swooned a little and asked him what name he would have chosen.
“It wouldn’t have been fucking Wookie or Chia pet, that’s for fuck sure. You are the only bitch dumb enough to show up on a slut cruise with a hairy pussy, and be shocked when you are expected to have a bald pussy even though your sister told you SEVERAL times what you needed to do to prepare. Did you do the exercises?”
My mom was disappointed that Dennis didn’t answer her question. “Yes, some of them, but a few required butt plugs, and others needed a partner.”
“I was working, Pearl. I couldn’t stay up all night fucking with you, and I won’t be able to when you are a hot wife. I have to pay the bills, while you fuck around at school, just working part-time as a secretary. I don’t get to sit on my ass all day and hand out candy while laughing with the principal. I should put you in a tank top and send you out to mow lawns and suck cocks for money!”
My mother looked shocked but didn’t say she wouldn’t.
My uncle appeared ready to put a stop to the domestic squabble, but Dennis announced that she would chicken out long before then.
“I don’t want to argue, especially in front of everyone else,” Pearl admitted, her lips quivering as she looked around apologetically. “I don’t want to keep doing things the way we have been doing them. I trust you to be in charge of the household, and I want to be a hot wife – I am sorry that I didn’t shave my pussy, and I am sorry I didn’t insist the girls do it as well.”
My dad was surprised; ordinarily, Pearl would bring up some past argument if she was losing the current one, and things would escalate.
I could tell that Jinx wanted to throw fuel on the fire, but I wasn’t entirely certain why. My dad seemed thrown off by Pearl’s capitulation, and it seemed like the argument was going to peter out on its own.
Naturally, that’s exactly when my older sister decided to throw some fuel on the fire.
Jinx planted her fists on her hips, bare tits jiggling as she leaned forward, and snapped, “You talk about our pussies like they are furniture and we aren’t even the room. You discuss my ass like you know what to do with it better than I do, and like it belongs to you. I only agreed to this stupid cruise because I knew Pearl wouldn’t follow through. She never does. And if she quits, I win. That was the bet.”
I knew it! I knew there was some ulterior motive behind why my older sister complied without a big argument. Cherry sought approval, and she was my mom’s shadow. I wasn’t entirely surprised she agreed when Pearl did, but Jinx was too loud and obnoxious to just capitulate.