EverythingOff wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 11:46 pm
PantsDownFun wrote: Wed Nov 05, 2025 11:04 pm
Meanwhile, my gay ass who was so far in the closet that a faun was serving me tea would be so happy that she was there, because then if I got a boner from seeing the other guys showering, I could blame it on the fact that I had thought of her looking at me, totally not gay, just enjoy girls looking at me.
Ha! And sorry you had to be so far in the closet. Doesn't sound easy. Hope you're out by now!
Oh yeah, I've been fully out for 17 years now.
Fortunately I was wrong that I would lose friends when they found out.
Fortunately I was mostly wrong that my family would reject me when I finally came out.
Unfortunately I was absolutely right that my mother would never actually accept it. My mother was also an emotionally abusive narcissist, so I'm not sure why I ever cared about her acceptance, but then again, I only this year actually was able to successfully draw a boundary and stick to it, so I guess it makes sense. I was 5 the first time that she told me that as the only son of an only son, the survival of the family name was entirely my responsibility and should be my highest priority. It was my duty to the family to get married and have children, specifically sons. That she felt bad for my uncle who had failed as a man because he was the only son of the generation and he only had daughters (she's never told him that to his face). Oh, she absolutely was not going to be okay with me being gay, because that means no marriage or children (this was obviously before marriage equality became law of the land in the US).
The very first thing she did when I came out was attempt to gaslight me into actually being straight. "Are you sure that this isn't just a phase" "can't you just keep looking for the right woman that will work for you" and "but you always said you wanted a family" (which, two things, no, you always said I wanted a family, and just because the family I want doesn't look exactly like the one you want for me doesn't mean I don't want one). She at least put on a mask of acceptance, mainly because I think she knew she didn't have much of a choice. From the beginning she hated the man who is now my husband, and honestly I think it is a combination of him being proof that it definitely isn't just a phase and the fact that he encourages me to stand up to her. She hates my therapist for the same reason, she has given me the strength to draw a boundary and enforce it.
We are in the process of going no(ish) contact. My son does genuinely love her, and as much as it hurts me to see him love her knowing what she's done to me, I'm not going to take her away from him, so long as she doesn't start manipulating him in abusive ways like she did to me... The first sign that she is manipulating him will be the last time she ever sees him. I know that would be incredibly painful for my son, but in the long run, it is better than allowing her to plant a time bomb in him. So, not in a great place right now, but we're getting to a better place.
I'm sorry for kind of hijacking the thread, but I wanted to answer your question.
So, anyway, back on the original topic, I actually fully believe that the girls were capable of keeping things appropriate. If I, as a gay man, can stay appropriate while in a locker room surrounded by naked men, I'm sure that they, as straight girls, can do the same.
But really, I don't think there was any harassment, especially since we were freshmen and she was a Junior. That said, I could very well have been oblivious.