My most embarrassing experience by John Doe

[PhilMarlowe]

My most embarrassing experience by John Doe

I am writing and posting this only because my girlfriend made me. She discovered this site and said I just had to post a recent embarrassing experience I had a couple weeks back. So under duress here goes.

A couple weeks back I had taken the weekend to go visit my folks. I was on my way back when this happened. The AC in my truck had gone out and as a college student you probably know that it will likely go awhile before getting fixed. Well, as I said I was on my way back and as warm as it’s been here in central valley California I had to do something. The worst part of all this besides the ribbing I keep getting from her, was that it was her idea that put in my predicament. She suggested that I just drive without any clothes on. Well as my truck has a 6 inch lift I figured, why not, who would ever know as I was above pretty much everyone on the highway. So I stripped down, tossed my clothes behind the seat so they wouldn’t low out the open windows and took off for college.

Everything was going great, I had my tunes cranked and going and life was good. Problem now was that I tend to get somewhat animated when listening to my music. So there I was driving down the road with my music going and me “dancing” along with it. I guess I should not have been surprised when I got noticed by the police who must have thought I was drunk or something. I didn’t notice the police car at first, not until they actually hit the siren and I about jumped out of my seat, it also caused me to just about run off the road, which probably didn’t help my case any. You know that sinking feeling you get when the lights and siren go off behind you? Well it hit me and I was trying to figure out why I was getting pulled over, I didn’t think I had been speeding or anything, it took me a while before I remembered I was naked. Then the chill really ran up my spin. My uncle’s a cop and he had warned me that it isn’t wise to be moving around too much as the police are approaching your car as this often makes them very nervous and they may think you are hiding something or going for a weapon. So I was stuck trying to figure out what I could do. I frantically looked for something to cover up with but there was nothing. My clothes were stuffed behind the seat and I was sure if I tried digging for them I’d get shot or something. I had nothing else on the seat.

The officer opened my passenger door and started her spill “Afternoon sir, do you… uh… Officer Jones, perhaps you should do this one.” Just my luck, I get pulled over by a woman cop. Yes she was kind of young and pretty and all but there I was buck naked with my hands over my privates. Apparently she was a rookie cop and had her training officer with her. I felt a little relieved that this guy might give me a bit of a break, that was until I saw it was also a woman cop.

She just looked at me, smiled and asked me why I thought they had pulled me over for. I admitted I didn’t know and she told me it was on suspicion of drunk driving. I swore that I hadn’t had anything to drink at all that day, but she said they still had to do the sobriety tests. She asked me to step out of my truck and I begged her to let me get dressed, but when she heard that my clothes were behind the seat she told me that “For her safety and mine” she couldn’t let me get them at this time. I finally climbed out through the passenger side, still trying to cover my privates. Once out she moved me to the front of my truck, standing facing the road. She then asked if I had any weapons on me and flabbergasted I replied asking her where in the world I could possibly hid them and she looked down at my crotch. “I’m going to have to ask you to remove your hands and hold them out to your side and spin around.” I tried to beg her not to make me do this but she said the alternative was for her to do a pat down search. Dejected I complied and spun around for all to see. Now keep in mind this was in the late afternoon and traffic was getting busy, which meant it was slowing down. Add to this they slowed down even more to gawk and see what was going and so everyone was getting a full view of me in the nude. Yes lots of honking, laughing, hoots and waving.

She then had me start with the sobriety tests. The first one being to stand, tip my head back and then repeatedly bring my fingers to my nose. I was again on full display as I alternately touched one and then another finger to my nose. Can you imagine how distracting and difficult it is to do this while people are honking and laughing at you while completely naked on the side of the highway? The young officer made a comment a out how I really wasn’t doing very well at the tests. I then had to walk the line for about 50 feet spin around and walk back. The last one they made me do was to stand with one foot up for a few minutes. All the while people were driving by staring at me. I was red, not from a sunburn but from pure embarrassment.

After all this the officer said she didn’t think I was intoxicated after all and was free to leave. She advised me to keep a pair of shorts handy in the future when driving naked. As I ran back to my truck, I could hear her say to her partner, “well, we certainly got to the “bottom” of that one and “exposed” the truth, I think he will ”bare” in mind the importance of paying attention while driving.” They were snickering as they got back into the patrol car.