"I'm his mother. I should be allowed to see his penis."

[TooShy]

Originally published in the September 2009 issue of British GQ. (https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/g ... ationships)

"I'm desperate to see it. I really want to know what he's got. I've tried sneaking in and whipping back the duvet, barging into the bathroom. I only want a glimpse. I just want to know if he's got a big one. I'm his mother. I should be allowed to see his penis."

I had this conversation... I say conversation, but I sat purse-lipped, gulping, while a middle- aged, past-MILF mother talked about her 16-year-old. Mothers and their boys' penises: it's too weird, too spooky. No man ever tried to catch a peek of his son's willy. It's not one of the places you go. It's one of the places you don't go. Penises are private. I mean, fathers would go through a lad's Facebook page, his text messages, confiscate his porn, steal his Rizlas, but the thought of examining his tackle? It's not on. But mothers have this unquenchable desire to see how the peepee's getting on.

I've asked a selection of men when the last time their mother saw their willies was and each in turn made an involuntary retching noise and said, "What the hell are you writing about? I don't even want to consider it." After a lot of calming down, the consensus was between the age of eight and ten. After that we all did our level best to make sure mumsy never caught us with our pants down.

Then I asked a selection of mothers: when was the last time they saw their sons' bits? For them it was between 12 and 13, giving us a potential four-year window of penis anxiety. And then I asked the women if they were still interested. And they all said yes. Their sons ranged from 18 to 40. Imagine, you're the 40-year-old chairman of a multinational company: wife, kids, mistress, three-piece suit, Y-fronts, and your mother still wants to see your little man, make sure he's happy and neat and clean under his little hat. It's too horrible to think about. So we never do. We never talk about the relationship between mothers and their straight sons' gonads. As a society, we just can't go there.

You won't remember this but let me whisper a secret truth: the first person to give you a tug was your mother. I don't care who you are, your old mum had a good fiddle with you, leaned over the bath and cooed, "Who's got a slippery little dingaling?" No dad would do that. If we did, the next thing we'd be doing is two to five on the Michael Jackson isolation wing.

In many cultures, not more than 30 minutes by Ryanair from where you're sitting, mothers give their boys executive stress massages to calm them down, shut them up, help them nod off. And there's the extreme case of the Japanese mothers who fellate their teenage boys to stop them going out and meeting dirty girls when they should be at home studying for their Honda salaryman exams.

The thing with women and their boys is that this isn't paedophilic, but it is sexual. Mums don't want to molest their lads, they want to pass them on with a mother's pride for some other girl to molest. It's sexual altruism and I don't think that exists in any other species or human relationship. Mothers want their boys to go out into the world strong, fecund, potent and good at it. I asked my selection of mothers what they thought they'd learnt from seeing their boys' post-ball-drop todgers. They all mentioned size: big enough, not bent, not discoloured, not veiny like a tree stump with ivy growing up it. A couple said they just wanted to see if he'd be a good lover. Now you can't tell that from having a look. You can't tell what a man's like in bed by having a gander at his tackle. Strangely, all the women giggled at me when I said that. If you want to see if your son's going to be a sensitive hump, give him a peach and watch him eat it. "We worry about our boys," said the mother of a shy, chubby 15-year-old who has all the grace and sexual élan of a wheelie bin. "I don't want girls laughing at him. Or mocking his penis. I know what women can be like."

I bet you do, you and your friends getting all judgmental and gossipy, waggling your little fingers. Instead of trying to catch your boys in the shower, how about you just tell your girls to stop laughing at men with small cocks? "Don't be daft," she said, "I don't want my daughters to have to put up with some macaroni dick, some shrunk nut piss-ant, for the sake of some chap's hurt feelings."

Most fathers would be as mortified as their daughters if they caught each other naked after puberty. But mothers and daughters can share changing rooms, go to spas, talk about plumbing without embarrassment. Boys understand without being taught or tipped a wink that the sooner you get your mother out of your boxers the better. The interest is one-sided and as I'm a man, a father and a son, it's beyond my comprehension. I just thought it might be worth airing it. You fathers can talk about it among yourselves. Or feel your skin go crawly and damp and try to scrub the images from your head.

I did hear two funny things from the mothers. One went away for a week's holiday and came back to find her otherwise slow-developing and petite, cherubic eight-year-old had grown a mat of pubic hair and his renaissance peepee had become a schlong. She is still suspended in a state of repulsed horror. The lad is giving off such diametrically mixed signals. His childhood has been prematurely ripped from her.

The other thing was a young couple who have a charming child with a shock of black hair and round pale blue eyes and he's just two and toddling. He has an unfeasibly large and heroically vast, cartoonishly humongous penis. He trots round the pool with his massive appendage flapping or more commonly with a lob on. People turn away smirking and wink at the dad and say, "Like father like son." Trouble is, the father has a famously modest manhood and the mother's beginning to think she's seen quite enough of both of them already.

[NickTwisp]

This kind of maternal curiosity is more common than most people would think. At work recently we had a mom of a 16-year-old boy wanting to stay in the prep room while he stripped naked to then put on a gown. He was undergoing an abdominal scan. Jeremy & I could tell the boy was aghast at this potentially happening.

As a teen who suffered from occasional UTIs, my mother witnessed me being diapered several times, probably age 17 being the most recent exposure of my penis to her.

[TeenFan]

One subject I've been delving into more deeply is the circumcision ceremony that is common among a small number of cultures.

In Turkey it is called Sunnet, and takes place when the boy is around 8 years old. The main thing is the boy is old enough to
remember it. Family members and friends of the family are invited.

In Kenya the Bukusu ceremony is for boys from who have reached their teenage years. From the size of the ones getting
the procedure, fourteen to fifteen is the typical age. This ceremony is done in villages every two years. The party lasts the
previous night with everyone dancing. The boy then is covered in mud in a particular style and shaping of the clay/mud. The
boy or small group of boys then go on a march throughout the neighborhood, with many of the male relatives and closest adult
friends tagging along. The woman and girls are there but they don't get as close. Then the cutting takes place with the boy
standing and everyone watching. There are dozens of videos on Youtube. Some even show the cut being made.

In the African culture, the mother gets a good long look at her boy at the age of entering young manhood. I suppose the boy stays
covered up from the eyes of relatives after this ceremony. He has gained the right to privacy...but I'm no expert on that.

The bull jumping ceremony in other parts of Africa is another tradition that gets the attention of more Western tourists showing up
to watch.

If anybody knows of any similar cultural ceremony that requires full nudity, please inform us.

[PantsDownFun]

Originally published in the September 2009 issue of British GQ. (https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/g ... ationships)

The thing with women and their boys is that this isn't paedophilic, but it is sexual. Mums don't want to molest their lads, they want to pass them on with a mother's pride for some other girl to molest. It's sexual altruism and I don't think that exists in any other species or human relationship.

Well, US mothers force cosmetic surgery on their newborn son' genitals to make them more appealing to future female partners, so I absolutely believe you about this point.

[LostBoy90]

This kind of maternal curiosity is more common than most people would think. At work recently we had a mom of a 16-year-old boy wanting to stay in the prep room while he stripped naked to then put on a gown. He was undergoing an abdominal scan. Jeremy & I could tell the boy was aghast at this potentially happening.

As a teen who suffered from occasional UTIs, my mother witnessed me being diapered several times, probably age 17 being the most recent exposure of my penis to her.

My mom saw me last at 15 from what I remember. She had a similar stance. It’s nothing I have not already seen.

[superevil7]

Imagine a father treating his daughter the same way.

[alberic]

Imagine a father treating his daughter the same way.

I did (imagine).